My weight

Wow!  I just weighed myself and it's not good.  Of course most people would just not talk about it, they would pretend that it doesn't matter or the problem doesn't exist but I know the problem exists.  I was doing Spark People a year ago (I started on October 1st 2007) but something happened in my life and I just couldn't do it anymore.  I gave up dieting altogether even though I had lost over 20lbs.  I was so proud of myself and then I just quit.

I was eating the food but not exercising and I was in a plateau for over a month and just couldn't take the torture of having to suffer eating such small portions and so many veggies.  Although it wasn't all that bad, the veggie portions were pretty big but it was still torture to eat good and not lose a single lb.  But I wasn't exercising either so that's where I made a huge mistake.  I didn't step it up and help myself along the long road of losing weight.

My highest weight that I've ever been was 245 and I weighed myself just before I started this post and I was 243.  I'm just 2lbs from being right back to where I was.  I need this Dell DJ battery to come soon and the pump and bag.  I need them to come so I have motivation to ride my bike to get exercise.  I need the pump because it has a gauge built in so I can see if I'm pumping the correct amount or not.  Right now they don't feel fully pumped but I'm afraid to put too much air in because it will pop if I do.  If it doesn't have enough it may pop from my weight.  The frame bag is just a bonus to keep all the tools with me so I don't have to carry them.

The Dell DJ battery is a crucial part of this whole journey.  I refuse to ride the bike in silence.  It will be too boring and I will not want to keep doing it day after day if I'm bored doing it.  Of course I probably won't have to do it day after day.

As of right now my leg muscles are still not ready for a 2 hour bike ride.  It is ready for a 5 minute bike ride before I can't walk anymore.  What I will have to do is just ride for as long as I can going towards beach park where the bike trail is and when I get too sore then just stop, rest and head back home.  Just keep doing that every day or every other day or whatever I need.  I can't push my muscles too far because the more sore my legs are the less likely I will want to do it.  But I heard from a trainer that if your legs are sore, so what, keep doing it.  You don't want the muscles to heal fully, you want them to be sore because they won't get used to it unless you keep doing it.  Yeah they will be sore for a few days but once they get used to it they wont be painful.  It will become old hat.

Let's just hope that these items come to me soon, within a week at least.  I don't know how much more of this fat I can take.  I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore.  I have BDD so bad from this that I don't even want to leave the house because people are staring at me and judging me every day.  I just want to be back to where I was when I was thin.  Nobody even noticed me because I blended in with all the other skinny people.  Fat people don't blend in too well especially when their t-shirts are stretched out in the stomach area. Which reminds me, if this does work, if I lose a massive amount of weight by riding my bike, I'm gonna need a wardrobe change hehe.